- If I were not a Cub Scout, I wonder what I'd
be
If I were not a Cub Scout, a ......
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- 1.A bird watcher I'd be
Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!
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- 2. A plumber I would be
Plunge it, flush it, look out below!
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- 3 A mermaid I would be
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!
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- 4. A carpenter I'd be
Two by four, nail it to the floor'
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- 5. A secretary I'd be
t-z-z-z get the paint, z-z-z-z get the point?
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- 6. A teacher I would be
Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!
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- 7. An airline attendant I'd be
Coffee, tea, or milk, sir; here's your little bag, BLEHI
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- 8. A typist I would be
Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZINC!
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- 9. A hippie I would be
Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!
[or Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!
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- 1O.A farmer I would be
Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another one
[or] Come on Betsy give... the baby's gotta live
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- 11.A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here,starchy there, starchy in your underwear
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- 12.A cashier I would be
Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!
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- 13.A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab. jab, jab!
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- 14.A doctor I would be
Take a pill: pay my bill' I'm going golfing!
[or] Needle Thread Stick'em in the head
[or] Bend over! Drop your drawers! This won't hurt a bit!
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- 15. An electrician I would be
Positive, negative bbmzt zap
- [or] Positive, negative; turn on the juice-ZZZT!
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- 16.A fireman I would be
Jump lady, jump... whoa splat!
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- 17.A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it heartburn-BURP!
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- 18.A ice cream maker I'd be
Tutti-fruity. tutti-fruity, nice ice cream!
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- 19.A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!
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- 20.A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!
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- 21.A garbage collector I'd be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or] Pile it higher. Pile it to the sky.
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- 22.A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be
30 minute, fast delivery!
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- 23.A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!
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- 24. Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?
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- 25. Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!
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- 26.A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle: ring, ring, ring!
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- 27.A truck driver I'd be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]
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- 28.A house cleaner I'd be
Ooh, a bug: squish it in the rug!
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- 29.A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!
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- 30.A DJ I would Be,
Miles of smiles on the radio dial.
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- 31. A Lifeguard I would be,
Save yourself, Man. I'm working on my tan'
[or Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.
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- 32. A Lawyer I would be,
Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there
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- 33. An Undertaker I would be,
6 x 4, nail them to the floor
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